Cannot Always Protect

As much as I want to protect Olivia, I know that life is going to happen one way or another. I'm just going to say it now for the record... I know I am strange. When I was young and liked a boy, I would go through a series of questions in my head to figure out if I could see myself marrying him.... yes even when I was in middle school. If I couldn't, the thought of dating was out. I wasn't allowed to date at all anyway but I would think about it. I knew I let this thinking go too far when I was sizing up the little boys today at the play date and trying to determine if they would be good for my daughter. I determined that she will be running laps around these boys for YEARS! Yes, I have gone to far. Yes, I have extremely high standards and expectations. I want to instill that in my children. Why not always strive to do your best? I know that no one is perfect but I do not want Olivia and any other children we have to settle. She will make her own decisions and I will do my best to bite my tongue and support her.

Also at the play date today, Olivia was shoved and and hit a few hits. Grandma Mona had to bite her tongue! I am pretty sure she gasped a couple times and she definitely wanted to go over and scold the children. I had to remind her that half the reason that the children are there is to learn appropriate behaviors. Olivia was okay, she didn't cry and wasn't hurt. Thankfully she didn't push back either. I think that she really enjoys this time :-) As the program was coming to a close, I sent grandma outside with Olivia to the playground so I could help clean up.

This is how I found them!

When I got outside, I found them enjoying the slide. As I was walking up I noticed two adults playing with a little boy on the bigger set of toys. I am going to assume that it was grandma and grandpa. I was taken aback when I walked closer to the playground because the grandpa was not wearing a shirt! Really?? I know that there were  not that many people out there but, really?? Put a shirt on! I tried to ignore the sight as we helped Olivia slide down the slide. We had only been there a few minutes when the little boy came running over to our toys with grandma and grandpa followed. 

Grandpa: Oh look! A little girl!

Grandma: Be careful ______, you don't want to push her off the stairs. Be careful as you go up.

Grandpa: Yeah, hey! She is going to be your future ex-wife! *snickering*

Whait, what??? Ummm, no thank you. Who says that to a kids? Who thinks that way? Really sir? I don't think so. Poor kid! That is all I could think as I walked to the car to take a Pumpkin home for a nap. That kid is going to be so screwed up.

There will come a day when she realizes that she can make her own decisions and does not have to listen to her parents. Hopefully at that point, she will be strong in her faith and will know what is right.

This is how I found Olivia when she woke up from a nap at my parents house. Messed up hair, a bib, and one shoe. Haha!

First hair cut! I was done with moving her hair out of her face. So I had to trim the front. Unfortunately, I feel like I trimmed it a little too much :/

Checking out the leaves on the tree <3 <3

Walking Up Hill

It was nice to be able to just lay around and relax today. We were able to spend time with great grandma and Grandma Sheila and watch football. Our were a little girl sure does love watching football! On Friday Olivia and I went to Tacoma so that I could talk to my friend about helping out with Act Six recruitment here on the Westside. After that, we were able to visit with my friend Kellie and her mom Marlene. It was so great to see them :-) We have been here almost a month now and there are still a lot of people that I have not been able to connect with yet. Hopefully, we will be settled into a place of our own soon and then we will be able to connect with people. Here are a couple photos that grandma Mona took of Olivia while she watched her on Friday.

Noodles in her hair and getting ready to go shopping! Haha! 

 Yesterday, Olivia and I were at Costco. Grandpa Paul ordered some pizza and while we were waiting I started singing Patty Cake with Olivia. To my amazement she knew all of the hand motions! Not only that, but she was doing the motions before I even got to that part of the song! Who told her that she could grow up so fast!? I don't sing that song all that often do someone else, or a few people must be teaching her.

Today after the Seahawks game, I wanted Olivia to get out and get some fresh air. I grabbed the bubbles that aunty Kim and uncle Chris got her for her birthday and we trotted outside. We were only outside for about 3 minutes when I was overtaken by a coughing fit. I set the bubbles down, grabbed Olivia, and went inside to get a drink. Oh how I dislike colds... I finally got myself composed and we went back outside.instead of playing with bubbles, Olivia wrapped her little fingers around my pointer finger and led the way. We took a walk around the side of the house and up to the front door. To get to the front door, we have to climb up the driveway.Olivia is pretty solid on her feet but she is mostly on solid ground. I sod behind her as she took her first couple steps up the driveway. That is about all she could do before she fell forward, catching herself with her hand. No tears. I helped her up and after we wiped off her hands, we set out to conquer the hill. I let Olivia hold on to my hands as she took one step after the other.  I love that I am having to learn how to do things all over again. When we do things, a lot of it becomes muscle memory and we end up doing whatever it is without much thought. When walking uphill you have to bend your foot/ankle so that you match the slope. Then you have to lean forward slightly to keep your balance. I also wonder about her depth perception and how she views things in general at this point. Things to think about, things to ponder. 

Eating cucumbers dipped in Italian dressing! 

Cuddles!

Taking off her zip up like a Hoodie

A Busy, Busy Week

Grandma Sheila found a play group that I/she/we can take Olivia to on Tuesdays and Thursdays for a couple of hours. It is great because Olivia gets to run around with kids, not necessarily her age, but her size. It is definitely an interesting culture. I know that this is only the second week and the kids are young, but it was interesting to watch how none of the kids played together and very few parents actually had a conversation while they hovered around their child. Including me! Stay at home mom's club? I wish I had grabbed a coffee before hand like most of them :-) here are two pictures that I snapped of Olivia playing today.

It is a great opportunity to test out different toys and see what she is actually entertained by before buying them all. It is also great to watching her watch the other children play. She gets so excited!

We were also able to see daddy this week and went up to see grandpa and grandma Atwater. It was a short but good visit. Olivia got to meet great-aunt Myrna for the first time, and got to see aunt Karmen, uncle Craig, and cousin Sydney. 

We stayed the night so that we could have a little more time with grandpa and grandma. We put Olivia to sleep in grandma's sewing room because there was not enough room in the bedroom we slept in. Olivia woke up around 11:30 p.m. and started crying. I got up and went to feed her so that I could put her back down. While I was bouncing her, I got a strange feeling and a flood of thoughts. The thoughts started with something that my brother Jon says. He says at times when a baby cries, it is because whatever he/she is experiencing, it is the worst thing that they have ever experienced. That may or may not be the case, but they are so young that they really have not had very many experiences. It makes sense to me. Then I started thinking about how scary it must be for her to keep waking up in different places and not really knowing where she is. We have been in transition for close to a month now and it has been challenging. I cannot imagine what it would be like to wake up and have no idea where you are. It made me a little sad. Then I started thinking about other children who wake up and have no idea where they are... what about the children who are taken and put in the foster care system? What about the children who are kidnapped? It made me cry. I cried for all of the children who have to go through this experience. I have always had a passion for working with children but after becoming a mom, I see things quite differently. I don't like seeing my baby sad, for any reason.... even when she is in trouble. It made me think about what the love of a parent to a child looks like. It made me think about parents who don't care about their child/children. And on and on the thoughts came. I tried to go back to sleep but couldn't. It didn't help that Mike was snoring! All I wanted to do was pick Olivia up and cuddle. I decided that was a bad idea and instead slept on the floor next to the pack-and-play until she woke up again.

The last couple of nights have been rough for us. I think that she caught whatever I have. Despite waking up multiple times every night, our baby girl always wakes up with a smile on her face :-)

Timing is Everything

As most people know, when you have a baby you are forever on their time. When you aren't, things just go wrong. Olivia wakes up between 6 and 7am, is ready for a nap promptly at 10am, wakes up precisely an hour after she falls asleep, and then is ready for bed between 6 and 7am. I have tried over and over to get her to take an afternoon nap but it is always unsuccessful. Her doctor said it is completely fine if she doesn't want to take a second nap. It just means an early bedtime! Which I am not always the best at making sure it happens.I have realized that I have become every bad with time management. There have been times when my family had tried to talk me into staying later because they want to see Olivia.I have to remind them that Olivia needs her sleep and that they can get up early if they want to see her. That doesn't go over well :-)

Today I took Olivia to get her 1 year pictures done. She had her morning nap but I think that she is getting sick so she was pretty cranky. Note to self: schedule photo shoots in the morning or RIGHT after her nap..... Not 3pm. She was pretty cranky up to the shoot and then again after. Screaming and meltdowns. It is more and more difficult to believe people when they tell me they I have a well behaved child. There was a little girl who came in as we were finishing up to take her one year photos. She didn't make a sound and have all sorts of smiles! I also need to remember that it is a two person job! Usually Mike goes with me but I had to go alone this time. Each time I walk out of the studio I am sweating. Not sure if it is because of all the running I do after Olivia or because of those lights they use.... probably a combination of both. But we got some good shots today! The gal at this studio was great. Here are a few of them:

One of the other photos looks like a school picture! I'm not going up lie, I almost cried. She looks so grown up! 

Olivia and I came up to visit Mike for a couple days. At one point, we were trying to get Olivia to give daddy kisses. I would kiss her and then Mike would pucker up, but o Olivia would twist her had away and giggle. Then we figured that we would show her how to kids and then try to get her to do it. Mike and I were laying on the floor and Olivia was staying off to one side. We would kiss but Olivia would just stand there. The more we kissed the closer she got. Finally, she had her hands on our shoulders. Whenever we pulled away from kissing, she would pull us back together to kiss again! Haha! She thought it was cute and kept laughing :-) Oh, the memories that are being made!

Chilli on mom's lap

Cheering for auntie Lauren at her soccer game

Watching the cars drive by while swinging

Grandma Sheila put a drink cozy on one of her hands and then Olivia but her other hand in another one. She then proceeded to walk all over with her hands covered. It was hilarious! I asked grandma where the duck tape was :-)

Relaxing and Loving It

Olivia and I have been with grandma Sheila for a week already.... wait, what!? How has it been a week already? It had truly felt just like an extremely long weekend. I got to see Mike last Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, yesterday, and today. Crazy! The time that we have got to spend together Has been wonderful. I know that Mike and Olivia have really enjoyed being back together. Hopefully it will not be much longer until we find a place of our own. Mike and I did some driving around and looking on Craigslist for different listings. It is amazing how much more expensive housing is on this side of the state. I feel like I am in a catch 22 because right now we are staying so far out that it would make so being a little difficult, along with childcare, but I need to be working so that we can afford the more expensive prices. I have been in a situation like this before and I know that we will eventually get it all figured out. While we are waiting, we are so thankful for the help that we have received from family with housing and caring for Olivia at times.

Our little angel  

Grandma Sheila spoiled her with stuffed animals! Everyone that Olivia was shown, she grabbed, squealed, and added it to her stash. Haha!

Although the correct way, she was trying to climb off the very high bed

Crying because mom got you dressed??

Our date to the Mariners game with some friends!

I think that Olivia has been having a great time seeing other family on a daily basis. She absolutely adores grandma's dog, Lady! Lady has been so patient with Olivia following her around and poking and hitting. This girl is all over the place! She is running now, climbing the stairs, and getting into everything.

Yesterday when Mike came over, we both got very frustrated. My phone decided to die on me and so I had to get a new one. On top of the phone, I got a tablet because of a deal that they were having. I ended up being on my phone quite a bit to set things up and just exploring. Mike didn't like that and was unhappy about how disengaged I was, especially since his sister and brother-in-law were over. In the past, and even sometimes now, I get frustrated with him for the same thing. Technology user is something I am trying to be more aware of these days. I see friends posting all the time about how another year has gone by and their babies are getting older. We just experienced the same thing with Olivia turning 1 year old. It is amazing how quickly time seems to go by and while I'm watching my daughter grow up before my eyes I'm really noticing how much time I spend looking down or up at technology as opposed to watching her grow and teaching her new things. I was frustrated with Mike because it seemed that every time I was dealing with Olivia he was trying to correct me. The frustrating thing for me is that he has not been with us for the last two and a half months. So when he is with us, his mindset is still back when she was 10 months old. It is amazing how much growth she has had in just two months. I asked Mike to remember that since he has been gone I have been working with Olivia and I know, for the most part, what seems to work and what doesn't. I also need to remember that he has been gone for 2 months. He is coming at everything from a different perspective. It will definitely be a big transition when we are all back together in the same house. Finding a routine and getting on the same page will be at the top of the to-do list. This is why communication is so important. Once we are together again, we will be able to strengthen our partnership in parenting. Understanding, grace, and forgiveness are the keys. One day we will be on the same page again.

My poor phone :-( the screen is completely black now

Look at this girl! Pushing a pretty full shopping cart all by herself! Everyone who walked by was impressed :-)

Even though I am not working at the moment, there are lots of things to do. Finding doctors, child care, playdates, visiting family and friends we haven't seen, finding a house, finding a job, getting one year pictures done, going to aunt Lauren's soccer games, getting organized..... just to name a few. 

Enjoying some ice cream 

Yup, going to pull off the headband :-(

I forgot to share that I was concerned that Olivia when we went to her doctors appointment. However, we left learning that she is in the 90th percentile for height, weight, and head circumference! Yay! Happy mom!

Height: 30 1/2 inches
Weight: 23 lbs
Head Circumference: 17 3/4 inches

I was concerned that she was not getting enough nutrients. She has been teething so her appetite has become smaller and because of all of the stress I was not producing as much milk. One of my other concerns is that she has been grinding her teeth during the day. I think that is the one thing that we didn't get to talk about at her appointment. My other question that will have to be addressed here, was about finding undigested food in her poop. I know that there are foods that just do not digest well, but I feel with how many solid she is eating not only should her poop start to look more like poop, but that the food should be more digested. Mike is lactose intolerant and so I was concerned that maybe she is lactose intolerant as well. We were going to have her tested after her appointment but when we went down to the lab, there were close to 15 people already in line. There was no way I was going to be able to stay and get on the road at a reasonable hour. Is that is why I need to find a good pediatrician as soon as possible. Before I left the doctor's office, I asked when her next appointment should be and they told me at 15 months. I will have updates after that appointment.

I will end this blog with a little song from Olivia :-) 

We Made It

Well, I never thought it would actually happen but Olivia and I have safely moved over to Western Washington. 4 years I told myself I was never going to come back to this place. All of my happy childhood memories were from Spokane and some of my most challenging times took place in Tacoma. The more we talked about it and the more I thought about it I realized what was truly important to me. Family. That's it! Olivia is the first grandbaby on both sides of the family and we want her to grow up knowing her family. I know that I have my 3 brothers in Spokane, but the majority of the family on both sides are in western Washington. We want Olivia to grow up knowing her grandparents very well. We were at a place where we felt that we could take a chance at moving and leaving our current jobs. So far things seem to be working out. Mike is enjoying his new job, for the most part, and his mom and step dad are gracious enough to let Olivia and I stay with them until we get a place of our own. Very blessed. I am so thankful to my mother for taking a day off of work to stay behind, help finish packing and cleaning after the party, and drive with me. If she had not been there, I would have been in Spokane until probably Thursday. It was definitely an interesting drive!

Note to self: It is NOT a good idea to take a little one on a road trip in the evening, while teething, and just after having shots that day.

Needless to say. Olivia was done. She has been in and out of the car several times yesterday before we hit the road. If I could do it over again, I would have left Olivia home with grandma while I ran errands. However, the problem was that I overbooked my last day. I totally over estimated the amount of time I had and th amount of time that each thing would take. Not only time, but I over estimated the amount of space I had in my car. As you can see in the picture above, there was no space. The cats were in the same carrier right next to Olivia. They have never traveled that far so I stopped and bought a "calming spray". Yeah, Tawnee ended up meowing most of the way anyway. We rolled in to grandma's house at about 12:30am. Daddy was there to greet us! We were so excited to see him. After just over two weeks, it was wonderful to be reunited and to know that even though we aren't staying in the same house yet, we will see each other more often.

These next photos are from before we hit the road:

Grandma tried to throw the gummy worm out the window. Hahaha! 

Baby Girl is a Year Old!

We made it!  Our little girl turned 1 year old today :-) this year has definitely been filled with ups and downs not only for Olivia, Mike, & I but for our entire family. We have had some of the best times, scariest times, and exhausting moments. But Olivia has been the biggest blessing to many if not all of us.

Thank you Anna for the AWESOME birthday cake!!

Even with everything going on we were able to pull together a cute birthday party for Olivia yesterday. Unfortunately, mike was not able to join us :'-(  I was so sad when he called to tell me that he couldn't come. I was so upset with his work. 'WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!? THIS IS HIS FIRST BABIES FIRST BIRTHDAY!!' We were able to Skype with him when Olivia had her smash cake. The look on her face when she saw her daddy was PRICELESS AND PRECIOUS! She was grinning from ear to ear and was so excited to see him! My heart was filled with joy and sadness all at the same time. I'm glad he was able to be there on Skype at least. My parents and sisters came from Tacoma to celebrate with us. My friends Kellie and Tim also came from Tacoma. I did not expect to see them and they surprised me! We were thankful to our friends in Spokane who were able to make it. We were sad that we missed some friends and family who were unable to make it :-( The party was short but came together. It was probably the most put together party to date for my family... in the sense that I, and probably others, did not feel super rushed the morning of and even had a moment to breathe before people showed up.

This girl has grown so much in a year. I think about how much more she may have grown had a been a stay at home mom. She is loud, sassy, goffy, determined, demanding, sweet, and a little ball of energy!

For the party I wanted to created this cute board with her measurements and favorites. Well, I won't have measurements until her appointment on Tuesday, and this girl changes what she likes every other day. I know that she does love to be the center of attention. She LOVES people. She is a daredevil. She doesn't seem to be phased when she bonks her head. She is adventurous. I just love her to pieces!

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

Olivia's SMASH cake!

THE CUTEST!

Olivia and her little friend :-)

Caterpillar grapes!

Birthday Skype with Daddy :-)

YUMMY YUMMY CAKE!

Those boots!

Papa says that she looks like Ace Ventura.... HAHAHA!

Blessed, truly blessed.

Thank you Lord for this precious little girl. I pray that You would give Mike and I the wisdom to raise her to be the best woman that she can be. I pray that You would be with us in this new year as we face new challenges as parents and as a family. We thank You for all of the memories and the growth that has taken place so far. To You be the glory. In Jesus name, Amen.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY GIRL! XOXO