So Much Harder

I had heard about and read about the challenges of putting your child into daycare at different ages. The younger they are, the more difficult it is for the parent, especially a new parent. The longer you wait, the more difficult it will on the child. Well, it was just as difficult for me. I knew it was going to be worse but I didn't expect the second day to be this hard.

I tried to get a second day picture and this is what I got after we pulled up and she realized where we were.

I knew at that point that is was going to be rough. I managed to get her to walk most of the way by herself. But once we got to the door, it was all a mess! Screaming, tears, gripping. I had to pry her off of me to be able to leave. My heart was breaking! I stopped on the side of the house and was praying that she would calm down. She only got louder. Then I heard her scream, "LET GO OF ME!" :'-( My heart! I had never heard her say that before! It took everything I had to make myself walk to the car, know that God was looking after her, and that she would be okay. I cried ask the way to work. My stomach was in know. I just about turned around to pick her up, take her home, and cuddle for the whole day. I was ready to quit my job today so I could stay home with her.

When I got to my office I called the daycare and they told me it took her a few minutes to calm down but that she was sitting quietly eating breakfast with the other kids. Hearing that have a little relief. I am not sure how much I believe them. I have a really hard time trusting people, especially when it comes to my baby. No one, NO ONE will ever love her the way I love her.

It was really hard to focus at work. I texted a couple friends who I know have gone through the same emotional rollercoaster. I hardly are anything. I just wanted to get to her!

When I finally arrived, she came running around the corner of the"classroom". It felt so good to scoop her up! She looked okay. They said she had taken a very long nap. I'm sure she did! She exhausted herself from screaming and crying. 

The other thing that have slight prefer if mind is that they have a secret Facebook group where they will post pictures of the kids for their parents and grandparents to see. Today they posted pictures welcoming Olivia and then pictures of the kids doing activities. It felt great to see her engaged in the activities. These are the photos of when they introduced her :-) Haha! That hair!

Here is one from today where she was playing

Mike has the day of tomorrow so he is going to take her to daycare... For a couple of reasons. Usually he didn't have time in the mornings to take her, I can get you work when I need to without worrying about how long it will take me to drop her off, and he needs to do it so he know that he can. When I called him this morning to tell him what happened, he told me that she would be fine. Yeah... I want to see how he handled his heart being ripped out when she screams as he tries to leave. It is horrible! Please pray that she gets the hang of it quickly and understand that it is a safe place. We want her to be happy and to learn.

First Day of Daycare

Daycare is something that I thought I would never have to deal with. I wanted to be a stay at home mom. Then, I had friends and family who helped us out week after week as I started my new job last January. When my boss asked me if I could go full time for a few months, I knew we were going to have to give in. I looked now and then. I debated between daycare and a nanny. It was the prices that got to Mike and kept us from really moving forward. He said that he didn't want to pay more than $150 a week.... Ummmm.... good luck finding that! Even if we did find a place at that price, what kind of care would Olivia really get? Seriously?

Last week we finally went to take a look at a place. It was our first visit. The couple was nice and the activities looked fun. Olivia seemed to feel comfortable as they walked her through the area that she would be in. I am thankful that we decided to go with an in-home daycare.

So stinkin cute!

I thought she was giving herself a pep-talk. Turns out she was practicing her crying! Haha!

Well, this morning was her first day! We woke her up and did some cuddling <3 Last night I put her hair in a french braid.... This morning only the strip right down the middle of her head was still braided and kinked! Haha! The sides of her hair are not long enough. I tried to do something with it, but it did not work all that well. I wanted to make a sign that said, "MY FIRST DAY OF DAYCARE" but I though that might be a little much :-) Her outfit was cute!

When we arrived, she knew where she was as she recognized the toys outside. I knew that as soon as we got inside she was going to have a hard time. Sure enough, she buried her face in my leg. It took a few minutes but I was able to distract her long enough to seek out. I cried half the way to work! My poor baby! All alone, without anyone she knows! Will she hate me? Will she fit in? Will they take care of her? These were the questions that were racing through my mind all day. I finally decided to call at about 2 pm to check in on her. Here is what I was told:

It took her about 15 - 20 minutes to calm down after I left. They offered her different options and she kept pushing them away. Finally she put her binky down and was able to engage in some activities. For nap time, they walked her to the mat where she was supposed to take a nap. They said that she just sat there. They were able to finally get her to lay down for a two hour nap, on a mat on the floor, without a binky!! My jaw about hit the floor. Progress! (I have bee n feeling like we haven't made much progress). They described her as a little toasted marshmallow :-) A thin crust/shell but on the inside she is soft and sweet <3 Well I like to think so! When I picked her up she was the last one there. She was sitting in a chair and playing with a puzzle. I am so excited for all the new experiences that she is going to have!

Her first artwork! Each day they focus on a different letter. M is for Mommy!

As I went to put Olivia down for the night it hit me.... She has always been on the go and even though she enjoys attention, she is pretty independent. It terrifies me to think that as she gets older she is going to want me less :-( I want her to want me, I want her to need me! I understand mom! I get it now! There is nothing like the love a mother has for her child. Cherish every moment. EVERY MOMENT! She is so beautiful. She is going to do amazing things.

Birthday Party Shenanigans

As we got closer to Olivia's birthday party I was concerned that the weather would not cooperate and that we were going to cancel. It would have been tragic because we just moved and our place is not set up though. Thankfully the weather was nice and it turned out perfect!

We felt so blessed to have so many family and friends come out for Olivia's party. We had all six grandparents, three great grandmas, and even a few other little people! I was really sad planning this party when I realized that Olivia has not friends. Sure, she is only 2 but it would be nice to have some littles that she could see on a regular basis.

This last year Olivia has been CRAZY about balloons. So that is what we did for her birthday, balloons and bubbles! While she slept on Friday night, I blew up as many balloons as my lungs would allow and floated them into her room. I wish I had been able to do more. I think I was probably more excited than she was when she first woke up. She actually started crying because I wanted to get the party started and she wanted... milk. -_- We had to put the celebrating off for a bit so that she could get her little bit of milk. THEN she was okay to go crazy! It was so adorable when I went to take a video of her while sitting in the rocking chair and she pulls me up, over to the door to close it, and then drags me behind her as we run back and forth across the room kicking balloons. I had some attached to the ceiling with streamers. Pretty much as soon as she noticed them, she pulled them down one by one, ripped the streamers off, and threw them in her room with the rest of the freed balloons.

What a blessing Olivia has been these last two years. What a blessing it has been to have a large family. We are so thankful to those who were able to make it to celebrate with us in person and appreciate those who celebrated from afar. We tried to keep the party as simple as possible. Although I am pretty sure that I spent way more money than I had planned. Fruits, veggies, crackers, hummus, and a Costco cake. We bought a screened in canopy and put balloons in it. I knew that Olivia would eventually lose interest, so we made camp next to the big toys so the brave kids could come over and get balloons (with parent permission of course). We had water balloons as well! We bought the packs where you can fill 40 at the same time! FYI - the As Seen On TV brand ones do not hold water for long at all. Also, at Walgreens they sell the ones with dye in them. We had a blast! Olivia enjoyed puncturing little holes in them so that there was a small, steady stream. Then she would chase people around or drink it (only the ones without dye). The weather really could not have been any nicer.  

I will say that I AM OUT OF SHAPE! After putting Olivia to bed that night, I laid around and watched a movie. When I went to get up to go to bed, I felt like I had been hit by a truck... OUCH! I felt the same way the next morning but had to move quickly as I was woken up by Olivia's crying. I know that I am dehydrated right now. After all this time I have finally admitted to myself that pop is my "comfort food". This summer has been busy and stressful. Soda for days! There really was no need for water :/ (I probably need to work on that). It did hit when I thought about how quickly Olivia is growing and she is only getting faster. If I want to keep up with her, I better find a way to get into shape. That goes for daddy too! 

Here I Sit

Here I sit. We are in our new place as of a week and a half ago. It is wonderful and terrifying all at the same time. Here I sit with ice cream and a movie after putting down a cranky almost 2 year old (I believe she entered the terrible two's a couple of months ago).

We have our own space!! It has been just a about a year since Olivia and I moved over and more than a year since we had our own place with daddy. Olivia having her own room = GREAT!. Mommy and daddy having their own room = AWESOME!. It is not in the best neighborhood in Tacoma but it is our own. We are hopeful for the situation with the landlord. The cats had no issue transitioning back to being indoor cats only. I cannot believe how much storage space there is in this place! One space is a long coat closet in the living room.... where Olivia likes to go to poop. HAHA! Actually, she has a few places. I have caught her behind the curtain where the washing machine is, I have caught her in the corner behind the table, and then in the closet. When I ask her if she is pooping, she promptly and loudly replies, "NO!". Yay for us as we get a big whiff of it as she comes walking out! I have heard of kids having places they like to go to do their business as they get older. I guess it is a good thing we got her a potty for her birthday!

Here are just a few photos on what it looked like before we moved our stuff in. I will have to share some more when I have finished unpacking. To be honest, I am quite impressed with myself and how much I have unpacked so far. When I first came to check the place out, Olivia was running crazy. It seemed like she felt right at home.

I am in the middle of trying to transition to working full time again while a coworker is on maternity leave. AHH! It is going to be wonderful and crazy all at the same time. I have been trying to get as much unpacked as possible and spend time with Olivia before the craziness begins. Oh yeah! And being a wife :-) I have so much respect for women who can juggle it all and with style. I wish that I could at least look put together on the outside. I have lots of ideas on how to be organized and get things done, but I am finding that the execution of it all is way more difficult than I thought. Mental games? I have not figured out what is holding me back. 

Learning to use stickers

Peak - A - Boo!

I have missed these kitty snuggles <3

Begging for something!

Learning to drive!

Here I sit, thinking about all of the things that I should be getting done. And yet, all I can think about is going to bed and preparing for Olivia's birthday party on Saturday (I cannot believe that she is going to be TWO!). Here I sit with sore feet and tired eyes. Why am I still awake? Because I want to get in the habit of blogging again, I want to get in the habit of documenting this journey again. 

It has been a fun filled summer, but I am ready for the crispness and slowing down that fall will bring. It is my goal to get out and enjoy the events going on around the community. I want to see the joy on Olivia's face as we experiences new things for the first time. It is going to  be a great fall. Here I sit, ready for the next phase of our lives to begin.