It's a Love/Hate Relationship

I now fully understand what it means to have a toddler in the Terrible Twos.

When she firs turned two, I thought to myself, "This is going to be a great year! Olivia is sweet and I know that she is just going to be a good girl". The first few months were fine. I mean, the best they could be with a transition to daycare, then we took the front off of her crib, and finally a move to one of the units downstairs. But she did really well.

Boy oh boy does she have a stubborn streak! Mike was telling me this morning that he told her to sit down and put on her shoes for daycare and she blurted out a strong NO..... Needless to say that that did not go over well.

But there have been some amazingly sweet moments! We have moved into a phase the last couple of months where she is waking up before us. Sometimes I am in the process of trying to talk myself into getting up, but often she wakes up to my first alarm and is wide awake before me. Anyways... It is the sweetest sound to here her door crack open, the pitter patter of her little feet and the swishing of her blanket as it trails on the ground behind her. The next thing I know I feel some little fingers on my arm or back as she is trying to get my attention. A whisper, "Hi Mommy!". (LOVE!) I pull her up onto our bed and she snuggles herself down right next to me as we get comfortable. When she first started doing this, there was a morning when she climbed in our bed and fell back to sleep. It was so precious to just watch her sleep. The sound of her sucking on her binky will remain one of my favorite sounds ever! She does it right in my ear. Sometimes we whisper to each other how much we love each other as we try not to wake daddy up. Sometimes I point out daddy and she crawls over me to lick him. Haha! That's right, she has entered a licking phase.

For a little while she was picking at her fingernails and toenails all the time. Then I caught her in the car one day taking off her shoes and socks and sucking on her toes. Eww! Lately it has been more about sticking all of her fingers in her mouth (sometimes gagging) and licking people! Not sure where she got it from, but she is loving the reactions that she gets. I'll apologize in advance if she licks you! Sorry!

Random meltdowns in the store. Throwing herself down at home. The attitude. It is so draining! Some days it is hour to hour, and some days it is minute to minute. I will say that things are getting better as her language continues to develop. Daycare has been AMAZING for her! They are working on conversational language with her right now. We are so blessed to have found this daycare. God definitely was watching out for us. She can count to 20 and can identify most of the letters in the alphabet. She love to sing her ABC's and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. Not just sing, she belts them out.

Learning to share is hard for a two year old! I think that Olivia has done really well though. She loves to make little friends and to have people follow her. She will make a great big sister someday. I have heard that three is worse than two. Well, I realized that her birthday is in about 3 months, so Here. We. Go!

November 2 - Thankful

Today I am thankful for my husband. We have been married for for years, but been together for just under 12 years. I made the mistake several years ago of telling him to stop spending all of his money on me because I had a job and could buy my own stuff. I wanted him to save his money. Oops! One of my biggest mistakes. He DID so buying me things but DID NOT save his money. It had since been an uphill battle to get him to buy me gifts ( spontaneous or not). If how I wish I could take that decision back all those years ago! Don't get me wrong, he will have his streaks of sweetness. Today I came home to him baking cookies, had roses, ice cream, and hard cider. I love this man! I think he picked up on the fact that i have been having a rough week.

I remember Mike's response when I told him that we were pregnant. I believe the first thing he said was, "nice". Haha! That sounds just like him. I think that he was totally freaking out on the inside; he told me that he did not grow up around babies. It has been wonderful to watch him conquer his fears of being a dad and to step up when it is really needed. Their relationship did not start out the best but it has grown into something beautiful.

We have had our ups and downs but I think we are doing okay right now. I am working full time, with a part time business as well and Mike finally got his conversion. Yay for a set schedule and benefits. He is a hard and loyal worker. I was so frustrated for him, but he kept telling me to just be patient. He sure was. I love you Michael, even though you don't read these posts.

November 1 - Thankful

I am thankful for visitors. With Mike's schedule changing and him working a swing shift, it is going to get lonely here. The last time I felt like this I decided that I needed cats to keep me company. I did get them! And they do keep me company. Then we had Olivia and she keeps me company. However, there is just something about having other adults over.

Megan, Lauren, Jackie, and Emma came over to visit. It was great! I was tired and had to do a really fast clean, but it was so nice to have visitors. Before we knew it, it was 9:50 pm... Yikes! Olivia and Emma were not sure what to do with each other but by the end of the night, they had played with balloons, pennies, jumped in Olivia's crib, danced, rocked on the rocking horse, and became friends. I think it was really good for Olivia. Talk about teachable moments!

I have been pretty down the last few days and I am not really sure why. It feels a little different this time than it has in the past. At one point I almost called to tell them to not come over. I am glad that I did not make that call.

Here are a few examples of what we do when we are alone:

Meltdown at the grocery store

Bath time!

Learning to clean the house

And of course... collecting rubber duckies from the claw machine! That's right! This machine is at the Tacoma Mall. It is $1. I know... I spent too much money. But you were able to keep trying until you caught one. The look on her face was priceless as you could see the wheels turning as she tried to figure out it was working. And then how BIG her eyes got when we won each and every time :-) It warmed my heart and I just kept going.

We caught triplets!

As fun as some of these times are, it is nice to have other people be a part of our lives/story when daddy is working hard.

Halloween 2016

Halloween 2016... it just rolls off the tongue so nicely :-)

Olivia had a pajama party at day care today! I gave her the option of the jammies that she slept in or her Halloween ones. I think she thought if she kept on the ones that she was wearing, that she would be staying home. Oops! Not the case baby girl! They got to lay around and watch a movie in the morning and then made dirt cups to take home.

Auntie Kim invited us out to the Harvest Festival at her church to play some games and get some candy. It was rough trying to explain to Olivia what we were doing and that we were going to get candy. But we finally made it! It took her about 10 minutes to warm up and then she was all over the place. I think that in the end she really enjoyed herself. Thank you Kim and Chris for the invite tonight!

Here was our first attempt at getting her dolled up as a princess. I even let her put her own blush on! Sadly, it did not last long.

Here she is at the party!

She REALLY did not like the Scarecrow toss. She got a little violent every time we went back to try it.

Asking too much for a smile? Yes, yes you are Mom.

HAHAHA! She was not having it uncle Chris!

LOVE THIS!

Happy Halloween everyone! Thankful that October is over and looking forward to my favorite month. Mike is even excited to FINALLY decorate for fall!

Bribing

Making a "mountain" out of play dough!

Yesterday was Mike's day off and although it may not make sense, I asked him to take her to daycare as most days he is in a hurry to beat traffic so it would not make sense for him to drop her off. He didn't seem to have as hard of a time dropping her off as I did :-( The letter of the week at daycare is M. The picture above is her engaging in an activity with the rest of the kids.

This morning was difficult. As soon as she saw her shoes and socks, she started to whimper and tell me no. I was able to get them on her, but she quickly threw a fit and wanted to take them off. She was successful... She took her time eating an apple that she found and wanted to watch a movie. I gave in and let her watch a movie while I finished getting ready for the day. The really bad part is that I bribed her with candy to get her in the car :-O Yup! I sure did! I know it is the irresponsible thing to do, but some days you just gotta do what you gotta do to survive :-)

We did make it to daycare. As we were walking in I stopped to talk to another mom who was on her way out. She asked me how Olivia was doing so I told her how our week had been. She was empathetic and shared that her daughter had started daycare just before she turned two and that her baby girl cried everyday for the first six weeks.... SIX WEEKS!?!? UGH! I really hope it does not take that long for her to get settled, but I can understand if it does. I miss her dearly when I am away from her. 

This is the picture that they posted today. Shaving cream and dinosaurs! I would have a BLAST! 

They told me today that Olivia was hanging out in the ladybug toy below and that she had the biggest smile on her face! I can picture her hanging out in there for quite a while.

I am really looking forward to this weekend when we get to sleep in (and by that I mean cuddling in bed starting at 6 am until we get hungry). It will be wonderful to spend two whole days with her! I know that Monday will be hard though. Olivia will probably wonder why we are taking her back there. I will be praying for patience and comfort.

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I had a friend share a post from a blog the other day on Facebook. I want to share it here for anyone who is willing to read it.

http://boston.citymomsblog.com/motherhood/its-hard-for-them-too/

As a teacher, an older sister, a babysitter, and now a mother, it is something that I have pondered. It is hard to be a baby. They are fighters, each and every day. My baby girl is strong and I am so proud of her for fighting and using her voice (even though we may not understand it all the time). I think this article will be good for Mike to hear. He had no patience. I knew that about him when we got married. He can often lose his temper and get frustrated when he cannot communicate with Olivia. It will be good for him to hear how hard and frustrating it can be for her.

One last thing for tonight: A prayer request. We are praying daily that Mike will get converted to a permanent position at his job. He comes home exhausted everyday. He spends so much time commuting back and forth. When he gets converted we will finally have insurance. He will have the opportunity to transfer closer to home. He will be able to take time off and actually enjoy it. He will have more than one day off in a time. Thank you <3 

So Much Harder

I had heard about and read about the challenges of putting your child into daycare at different ages. The younger they are, the more difficult it is for the parent, especially a new parent. The longer you wait, the more difficult it will on the child. Well, it was just as difficult for me. I knew it was going to be worse but I didn't expect the second day to be this hard.

I tried to get a second day picture and this is what I got after we pulled up and she realized where we were.

I knew at that point that is was going to be rough. I managed to get her to walk most of the way by herself. But once we got to the door, it was all a mess! Screaming, tears, gripping. I had to pry her off of me to be able to leave. My heart was breaking! I stopped on the side of the house and was praying that she would calm down. She only got louder. Then I heard her scream, "LET GO OF ME!" :'-( My heart! I had never heard her say that before! It took everything I had to make myself walk to the car, know that God was looking after her, and that she would be okay. I cried ask the way to work. My stomach was in know. I just about turned around to pick her up, take her home, and cuddle for the whole day. I was ready to quit my job today so I could stay home with her.

When I got to my office I called the daycare and they told me it took her a few minutes to calm down but that she was sitting quietly eating breakfast with the other kids. Hearing that have a little relief. I am not sure how much I believe them. I have a really hard time trusting people, especially when it comes to my baby. No one, NO ONE will ever love her the way I love her.

It was really hard to focus at work. I texted a couple friends who I know have gone through the same emotional rollercoaster. I hardly are anything. I just wanted to get to her!

When I finally arrived, she came running around the corner of the"classroom". It felt so good to scoop her up! She looked okay. They said she had taken a very long nap. I'm sure she did! She exhausted herself from screaming and crying. 

The other thing that have slight prefer if mind is that they have a secret Facebook group where they will post pictures of the kids for their parents and grandparents to see. Today they posted pictures welcoming Olivia and then pictures of the kids doing activities. It felt great to see her engaged in the activities. These are the photos of when they introduced her :-) Haha! That hair!

Here is one from today where she was playing

Mike has the day of tomorrow so he is going to take her to daycare... For a couple of reasons. Usually he didn't have time in the mornings to take her, I can get you work when I need to without worrying about how long it will take me to drop her off, and he needs to do it so he know that he can. When I called him this morning to tell him what happened, he told me that she would be fine. Yeah... I want to see how he handled his heart being ripped out when she screams as he tries to leave. It is horrible! Please pray that she gets the hang of it quickly and understand that it is a safe place. We want her to be happy and to learn.

First Day of Daycare

Daycare is something that I thought I would never have to deal with. I wanted to be a stay at home mom. Then, I had friends and family who helped us out week after week as I started my new job last January. When my boss asked me if I could go full time for a few months, I knew we were going to have to give in. I looked now and then. I debated between daycare and a nanny. It was the prices that got to Mike and kept us from really moving forward. He said that he didn't want to pay more than $150 a week.... Ummmm.... good luck finding that! Even if we did find a place at that price, what kind of care would Olivia really get? Seriously?

Last week we finally went to take a look at a place. It was our first visit. The couple was nice and the activities looked fun. Olivia seemed to feel comfortable as they walked her through the area that she would be in. I am thankful that we decided to go with an in-home daycare.

So stinkin cute!

I thought she was giving herself a pep-talk. Turns out she was practicing her crying! Haha!

Well, this morning was her first day! We woke her up and did some cuddling <3 Last night I put her hair in a french braid.... This morning only the strip right down the middle of her head was still braided and kinked! Haha! The sides of her hair are not long enough. I tried to do something with it, but it did not work all that well. I wanted to make a sign that said, "MY FIRST DAY OF DAYCARE" but I though that might be a little much :-) Her outfit was cute!

When we arrived, she knew where she was as she recognized the toys outside. I knew that as soon as we got inside she was going to have a hard time. Sure enough, she buried her face in my leg. It took a few minutes but I was able to distract her long enough to seek out. I cried half the way to work! My poor baby! All alone, without anyone she knows! Will she hate me? Will she fit in? Will they take care of her? These were the questions that were racing through my mind all day. I finally decided to call at about 2 pm to check in on her. Here is what I was told:

It took her about 15 - 20 minutes to calm down after I left. They offered her different options and she kept pushing them away. Finally she put her binky down and was able to engage in some activities. For nap time, they walked her to the mat where she was supposed to take a nap. They said that she just sat there. They were able to finally get her to lay down for a two hour nap, on a mat on the floor, without a binky!! My jaw about hit the floor. Progress! (I have bee n feeling like we haven't made much progress). They described her as a little toasted marshmallow :-) A thin crust/shell but on the inside she is soft and sweet <3 Well I like to think so! When I picked her up she was the last one there. She was sitting in a chair and playing with a puzzle. I am so excited for all the new experiences that she is going to have!

Her first artwork! Each day they focus on a different letter. M is for Mommy!

As I went to put Olivia down for the night it hit me.... She has always been on the go and even though she enjoys attention, she is pretty independent. It terrifies me to think that as she gets older she is going to want me less :-( I want her to want me, I want her to need me! I understand mom! I get it now! There is nothing like the love a mother has for her child. Cherish every moment. EVERY MOMENT! She is so beautiful. She is going to do amazing things.